"The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is in the gift of paying attention."
~Julia Cameron
Honestly, this is a word and a concept that has been fairly foreign to me over the past few months. I haven't been able to find much delight in the world around me. Some days I haven't been able to do much more than get up, get dressed and go to work.
I was reading a post on a friend's Facebook page about his father. His father is very sick and literally has days, if that, to live. He wrote about the sweetness and the delight in having this time to spend with his father and his family, and ultimately, to say goodbye to his dad.
I was impressed with his capacity to delight in those moments. He wrote the quote from above on his page and it struck me right between the eyes. And right into my heart.
I have not delighted in much since my sister died. It's not that I'm sad all the time. I am sad, but it doesn't necessarily manifest in the way that I would have it. Sadness to me has always been a matter of moments. Something happens, or something is said, and it causes me sadness. So I cry and I feel it, and then it passes. Sometimes it takes a few days, or even weeks, but it passes. The sadness that I have experienced from losing my sister is like a black hole in the middle of the world. I don't understand sometimes how the rest of the world can just go on functioning. It shouldn't be that easy to do. It feels like this couldn't possibly have just happened to me or to the ones who love her. I have trouble making sense of the fact that it isn't happening to those around me. And that when my world stops turning and I need to stop, they should all stop, too. But they don't...
I miss feeling light. I miss feeling carefree. I miss delighting in something or someone so much that you just walk around with a stupid smile on your face without even knowing.
I hope it returns soon...
I have been told by my incredible counselor and by others who have experienced loss, that it will. That it might take months, even years. But it will return. I long for that day, when I wake up and maybe roll over in bed to look out the window, and immediately begin to delight in God for the morning sunshine, or a bird's sweet song to lull me from my bed. I miss joy... I miss the lightness of daily matters, like what kind of coffee to order at Starbuck's, or which new shoes will match my sweater the very best. I miss laughing with friends so hard that you feel like you can't breathe!
Thank you, Jesus, for meeting me every morning with arms open wide. Thank You for friends and loved ones who have not stopped asking how my heart is doing, and who have continued to lift up prayers for me and for my family. Thank You for the sweet, precious moments when You have filled the void in my heart to remind me that the hurt will subside. Thank you for reminding me daily, that I can't possibly fill the hole in her children's lives that Leanne has left. That's Your job! Thank You for not requiring me to delight in You when I cannot, but for allowing me to be held and carried anyway.
You are my sustainer, my healer and the love of my life!
I'm so grateful to be Yours...
PS-And thank you for tissues with lotion!
~RB
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
She's home...
...I am sorry that I haven't posted any updates in over 2 months. This year and this past fall especially, have been the most difficult of my adult life as I've watched my sister deteriorate and die a little everyday.
My sister lost her battle with addiction on January 6, 2009.
I almost can't believe that I am writing those words... I know that it wasn't God's will that she lose this battle and go to be with Him at the young age of 39. I know that she could have beaten it. And that she should still be here, fighting for her life and winning. She should be with her children and her husband and the rest of us who loved her so much.
But she just couldn't do it. The addict took over and Satan was victorious in leading her down the path that ended her life here on this earth.
BUT, he is not the victor! She is home! And she is free!
She doesn't hurt anymore. She isn't broken anymore. She doesn't have to feel pain or guilt or sadness anymore. My sister is home with her heavenly Father and the Savior of her life, Jesus.
I am so grateful to Him for holding up His end of the deal! He never required that she hold up hers and beat her demons. He saved her and He loved her and He took her when she breathed her last breath... Oh, how I love Him for that!!!
I am grateful to every person that prayed for her while she was here! I ask that you continue to pray but please shift it to her 4 amazing children. They have a tough road ahead as they let it sink in that their mom isn't here anymore.
I'll miss you, Anne, but I'll see you soon...
My sister lost her battle with addiction on January 6, 2009.
I almost can't believe that I am writing those words... I know that it wasn't God's will that she lose this battle and go to be with Him at the young age of 39. I know that she could have beaten it. And that she should still be here, fighting for her life and winning. She should be with her children and her husband and the rest of us who loved her so much.
But she just couldn't do it. The addict took over and Satan was victorious in leading her down the path that ended her life here on this earth.
BUT, he is not the victor! She is home! And she is free!
She doesn't hurt anymore. She isn't broken anymore. She doesn't have to feel pain or guilt or sadness anymore. My sister is home with her heavenly Father and the Savior of her life, Jesus.
I am so grateful to Him for holding up His end of the deal! He never required that she hold up hers and beat her demons. He saved her and He loved her and He took her when she breathed her last breath... Oh, how I love Him for that!!!
I am grateful to every person that prayed for her while she was here! I ask that you continue to pray but please shift it to her 4 amazing children. They have a tough road ahead as they let it sink in that their mom isn't here anymore.
I'll miss you, Anne, but I'll see you soon...
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A little comic relief...
So, sometimes when life is just yucky and difficult, you have to take a moment and find something to laugh about!
I was having lunch with a friend last Saturday and came across this video on youtube. Needless to say, I was quite tickled.
We both laughed and cried and folks stared at us, but it was totally worth it!
Just thought I would post it, so you could do the same...
Enjoy...
I was having lunch with a friend last Saturday and came across this video on youtube. Needless to say, I was quite tickled.
We both laughed and cried and folks stared at us, but it was totally worth it!
Just thought I would post it, so you could do the same...
Enjoy...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Defeated
...that's how I'm feeling today...
I hate days like this! I'm glad they don't last, but when they're here they're hard to deal with. Especially when you work in ministry and you have to be "on". Not that I feel like that too much at my church. It's a really great place to worship and to work. But today, I would feel that way just about anywhere, even in the best situation.
There is so much going on in my family and it's really difficult to be so far away from them. I miss my sister. For those of you that have been asking about her, here is a little update:
She left the Atlanta area a few weeks ago after getting kicked out of the rehab center she was in. She went up to Virginia Beach where she had some friends who were also in recovery. Her plan was to get into a halfway house up there, find a job and go to meetings. It was going to be difficult, but just about her last option. The one thing we all knew is that she couldn't be in Charlotte where her kids are. It wouldn't have been fair to them or to her, until she is much better.
So she got into the home and found a job. She was actually doing the work for a while and we all were able to move from defcon 1 to about 3 or 4. It was nice to know that she had a roof over her head and was surrounded by folks who understood what she was dealing with and could help her by doing life together.
Then the call came...
She got kicked out of the home for using. I knew it was a possibility. It's always a possibility, but it still feels like a swift kick in the stomach when that call comes.
So, today I am missing her and wondering how she is and where she is. She's not home in Charlotte. As far as I know she's still up in Virginia Beach, but I'm not sure where she's sleeping or how she's doing.
Again, you can't understand how strange and wrong it feels to type that. I should know where all my loved ones are and how they're doing. She should be inside my circle of influence but she's not.
She is outside my influence and outside my help and it feels wrong. Empty. Painful. Hopeless.
I haven't lost hope in Jesus and I know that He knows the details of her life right now, and that's all I could ask for. But it still feels so wrong.
I miss my sister. I'm on alert waiting for a phone call that I pray never comes.
I miss my sister.
I hate days like this! I'm glad they don't last, but when they're here they're hard to deal with. Especially when you work in ministry and you have to be "on". Not that I feel like that too much at my church. It's a really great place to worship and to work. But today, I would feel that way just about anywhere, even in the best situation.
There is so much going on in my family and it's really difficult to be so far away from them. I miss my sister. For those of you that have been asking about her, here is a little update:
She left the Atlanta area a few weeks ago after getting kicked out of the rehab center she was in. She went up to Virginia Beach where she had some friends who were also in recovery. Her plan was to get into a halfway house up there, find a job and go to meetings. It was going to be difficult, but just about her last option. The one thing we all knew is that she couldn't be in Charlotte where her kids are. It wouldn't have been fair to them or to her, until she is much better.
So she got into the home and found a job. She was actually doing the work for a while and we all were able to move from defcon 1 to about 3 or 4. It was nice to know that she had a roof over her head and was surrounded by folks who understood what she was dealing with and could help her by doing life together.
Then the call came...
She got kicked out of the home for using. I knew it was a possibility. It's always a possibility, but it still feels like a swift kick in the stomach when that call comes.
So, today I am missing her and wondering how she is and where she is. She's not home in Charlotte. As far as I know she's still up in Virginia Beach, but I'm not sure where she's sleeping or how she's doing.
Again, you can't understand how strange and wrong it feels to type that. I should know where all my loved ones are and how they're doing. She should be inside my circle of influence but she's not.
She is outside my influence and outside my help and it feels wrong. Empty. Painful. Hopeless.
I haven't lost hope in Jesus and I know that He knows the details of her life right now, and that's all I could ask for. But it still feels so wrong.
I miss my sister. I'm on alert waiting for a phone call that I pray never comes.
I miss my sister.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Mindy Smith
Yeah!!
This is my song right now... it's great whether you're higher than the clouds, or lower than your lowest day.
Mindy Smith is a new find for me and I am thoroughly enjoying her stuff. Check it out, you won't be sorry...
(thanks to Katie for the find!)
Monday, September 15, 2008
Long Weekend...
She didn't make it.
She used a couple of days after getting there.
She called me and asked if I could come pick her up when they found out 'cause they kicked her out.
I said no...
She has been living in a hotel room the last couple of days. Not sure how long that will last. My brother in law put her up thinking she would come to some sense.
She hasn't yet.
I can't believe I'm thinking this, but I hope he can turn her out on her own.
I don't know what she'll do, but it's her turn to figure it out.
Those of you that pray, please...
She used a couple of days after getting there.
She called me and asked if I could come pick her up when they found out 'cause they kicked her out.
I said no...
She has been living in a hotel room the last couple of days. Not sure how long that will last. My brother in law put her up thinking she would come to some sense.
She hasn't yet.
I can't believe I'm thinking this, but I hope he can turn her out on her own.
I don't know what she'll do, but it's her turn to figure it out.
Those of you that pray, please...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Today...
I just froze for a second trying to think of what I was going to call this post... I have no idea how to some up all that is happening in my brain or in my heart.
This post is probably going to get heavy, so if you're feeling fragile for any reason today I suggest you stop reading.
I couldn't possibly try to put into words how broken my heart is today, or how heavy the weight of the world feels on my shoulders. My sister is dying...
She is an addict. She has struggled with her addiction for most of her life, but it has really crippled her throughout her years as an adult. She's 38, so you can only imagine how long she has really struggled. To say that her addiction has effected me or my family is an understatement if there ever was one. I can't express to you how difficult it is to watch someone you love continually hurt themselves. She daily puts herself, her children and others in danger. Oh yeah, she has four of the greatest kids in the world! They range in ages from 8-17 and none of them have ever known what she's really like. They mostly just know their mom as an addict. She has missed birthdays, little league games, field trips, holidays... the list is long.
This entire year has probably been the toughest on all of us as we have watched her struggle more than she ever has. I don't know why this year in particular has been so much tougher except that as her disease progresses, she just gets worse. The space in her mind and body that the addict takes up is so much greater than the part that my actual sister inhabits. And the addict is gaining space every moment of every day. And I hate the addict! She is selfish and out of control. She is completely submerged in a fantasy world that is really so much more like a nightmare. All she can think about or even focus on for any amount of time is her next "fix". I hate the addict. She is like a tasmanian devil that just whirls around leaving nothing but destruction and chaos wherever she goes. I hate the addict...
But I love my sister. She is the most amazing person when she isn't using. And there have been long periods over the years where she has had sobriety. I think her longest run was about 2 years at one time, and those 2 years were so amazing. She was growing in her faith, and repairing damage she had caused with her family and friends. There wasn't anything we couldn't talk about and we talked all the time. We would pray together and cry together and solve all the worlds' problems on the phone. I love my sister and I miss her everyday. She is one of the smartest, funniest, easiest people to be with. I know most people say they like their siblings, and even love them. But I really love mine. She is one of my best friends! She is giving, encouraging and understanding. And she has such a thirst for knowledge. Like none I've ever seen! She constantly had 4 or 5 books going at one time and she's one of the those people that can read something once and remember it forever. Even in conversations, if she heard it once she remembered it. I was always envious of those qualities.
She's a great mom, too. She loves her kids more than her own life. She listens and encourages. She knows when to step in and when to let them figure something out for themselves. She taught them how to thirst for knowledge and how to find most of the answers they were looking for. And she taught them about Jesus. And I know without a shadow of doubt that each one of them has a personal relationship with Him. What a gift...
But she has been the addict consistently for a very long time now. So long that I'm not sure if her younger kids remember much about their real mom. She is choosing to feed the addict all the time now and it's gotten to the point where we will have to cut her out of our lives. To protect her children and ourselves. My parents and I checked her in to her last rehab this past week. I say it was her last because it was literally her last resource for help. If she couldn't stay in this one and make it work then we were going to be out of options. There's nothing you can do for an addict who doesn't want to do the work and help themselves and it gets to the point where being the safety net to keep them from hitting "bottom" and potentially losing everything hurts more than it helps. We have reached that point. You have no idea how difficult it is to write that. To admit that. That there isn't anything I can do for her anymore. She is literally on her own and if she doesn't take advantage of this chance than the likelihood that she will not survive is greater than the likelihood that she will.
Jesus,
She is in your hands completely now. None of us can save her from herself. Only You can do that. I trust You with her life. Please pierce her in a way that is new and fresh and can help her see what she is potentially giving up. Make her turn to You and cling to You. Make her see the life that You have willed for her. A life with choices, and relationships. A life with her children. A future, Lord. I bind Satan and his minions in Your name, my Jesus!! Keep him away from her, he has no hold here!
You are bigger than anything or anyone I can fathom and You love her more than I can imagine. She is Yours...
I love you!
Thank you for already keeping the worst thing in this existence that could ever happen to her from being a possibility! I know that no matter what happens in this life, she is Yours. And I know that no matter what we choose after that decision is made, You will always hold up Your end of the bargain. Thank You for Your faithfulness to her. For Your faithfulness to her children. I don't understand how You do what You do, but I trust You nonetheless.
Thank You, Father...
This post is probably going to get heavy, so if you're feeling fragile for any reason today I suggest you stop reading.
I couldn't possibly try to put into words how broken my heart is today, or how heavy the weight of the world feels on my shoulders. My sister is dying...
She is an addict. She has struggled with her addiction for most of her life, but it has really crippled her throughout her years as an adult. She's 38, so you can only imagine how long she has really struggled. To say that her addiction has effected me or my family is an understatement if there ever was one. I can't express to you how difficult it is to watch someone you love continually hurt themselves. She daily puts herself, her children and others in danger. Oh yeah, she has four of the greatest kids in the world! They range in ages from 8-17 and none of them have ever known what she's really like. They mostly just know their mom as an addict. She has missed birthdays, little league games, field trips, holidays... the list is long.
This entire year has probably been the toughest on all of us as we have watched her struggle more than she ever has. I don't know why this year in particular has been so much tougher except that as her disease progresses, she just gets worse. The space in her mind and body that the addict takes up is so much greater than the part that my actual sister inhabits. And the addict is gaining space every moment of every day. And I hate the addict! She is selfish and out of control. She is completely submerged in a fantasy world that is really so much more like a nightmare. All she can think about or even focus on for any amount of time is her next "fix". I hate the addict. She is like a tasmanian devil that just whirls around leaving nothing but destruction and chaos wherever she goes. I hate the addict...
But I love my sister. She is the most amazing person when she isn't using. And there have been long periods over the years where she has had sobriety. I think her longest run was about 2 years at one time, and those 2 years were so amazing. She was growing in her faith, and repairing damage she had caused with her family and friends. There wasn't anything we couldn't talk about and we talked all the time. We would pray together and cry together and solve all the worlds' problems on the phone. I love my sister and I miss her everyday. She is one of the smartest, funniest, easiest people to be with. I know most people say they like their siblings, and even love them. But I really love mine. She is one of my best friends! She is giving, encouraging and understanding. And she has such a thirst for knowledge. Like none I've ever seen! She constantly had 4 or 5 books going at one time and she's one of the those people that can read something once and remember it forever. Even in conversations, if she heard it once she remembered it. I was always envious of those qualities.
She's a great mom, too. She loves her kids more than her own life. She listens and encourages. She knows when to step in and when to let them figure something out for themselves. She taught them how to thirst for knowledge and how to find most of the answers they were looking for. And she taught them about Jesus. And I know without a shadow of doubt that each one of them has a personal relationship with Him. What a gift...
But she has been the addict consistently for a very long time now. So long that I'm not sure if her younger kids remember much about their real mom. She is choosing to feed the addict all the time now and it's gotten to the point where we will have to cut her out of our lives. To protect her children and ourselves. My parents and I checked her in to her last rehab this past week. I say it was her last because it was literally her last resource for help. If she couldn't stay in this one and make it work then we were going to be out of options. There's nothing you can do for an addict who doesn't want to do the work and help themselves and it gets to the point where being the safety net to keep them from hitting "bottom" and potentially losing everything hurts more than it helps. We have reached that point. You have no idea how difficult it is to write that. To admit that. That there isn't anything I can do for her anymore. She is literally on her own and if she doesn't take advantage of this chance than the likelihood that she will not survive is greater than the likelihood that she will.
Jesus,
She is in your hands completely now. None of us can save her from herself. Only You can do that. I trust You with her life. Please pierce her in a way that is new and fresh and can help her see what she is potentially giving up. Make her turn to You and cling to You. Make her see the life that You have willed for her. A life with choices, and relationships. A life with her children. A future, Lord. I bind Satan and his minions in Your name, my Jesus!! Keep him away from her, he has no hold here!
You are bigger than anything or anyone I can fathom and You love her more than I can imagine. She is Yours...
I love you!
Thank you for already keeping the worst thing in this existence that could ever happen to her from being a possibility! I know that no matter what happens in this life, she is Yours. And I know that no matter what we choose after that decision is made, You will always hold up Your end of the bargain. Thank You for Your faithfulness to her. For Your faithfulness to her children. I don't understand how You do what You do, but I trust You nonetheless.
Thank You, Father...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Twilight
Ok, I admit it...
...I can't WAIT for this to come out!!
Have you read the books?
Are you going to see it when it comes out?
Consider this your official "bite"... : )
~RB
...I can't WAIT for this to come out!!
Have you read the books?
Are you going to see it when it comes out?
Consider this your official "bite"... : )
~RB
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
My Prayer Today...
Desert Song: Hillsong
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame
And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand
All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow
...Amen, and Amen
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Wake Up!
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here.
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude, when to where I'm destined I am compared.
~Brooke Fraser
This life is heavy and broken and lost. I fight those facts on a daily basis sometimes. It's suffocating.
But I am no longer bound to this world or that brokenness if I choose not to be. The way has already been cleared.
I just seem to choose the thick and covering forest when I could choose the open, green field.
Why?
Why is it easier sometimes, to live under the weight of this world than to live in the freedom that is in Christ?
I think that darkness can be easier than light, sometimes. I wish this wasn't the case, but it seems my dysfunction is more comfortable than stepping out in freedom. It's like when you're in a dead sleep and someone turns on the lights. It's shocking and harsh, and it catches you off guard. All you really want is to shut them off and go back to sleep.
Well, I get tired of sleeping. And as easy as it can be to roll over and go back to sleep, I don't want to miss what He has for me in the light.
I have been feeling sorry for myself lately because of all the darkness this world has thrown my way. I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am officially kicking back the covers and looking at the light. I will rest in it as it shows me all that He has for me to do and to be.
I can only conclude that I was not made for here.
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude, when to where I'm destined I am compared.
~Brooke Fraser
This life is heavy and broken and lost. I fight those facts on a daily basis sometimes. It's suffocating.
But I am no longer bound to this world or that brokenness if I choose not to be. The way has already been cleared.
I just seem to choose the thick and covering forest when I could choose the open, green field.
Why?
Why is it easier sometimes, to live under the weight of this world than to live in the freedom that is in Christ?
I think that darkness can be easier than light, sometimes. I wish this wasn't the case, but it seems my dysfunction is more comfortable than stepping out in freedom. It's like when you're in a dead sleep and someone turns on the lights. It's shocking and harsh, and it catches you off guard. All you really want is to shut them off and go back to sleep.
Well, I get tired of sleeping. And as easy as it can be to roll over and go back to sleep, I don't want to miss what He has for me in the light.
I have been feeling sorry for myself lately because of all the darkness this world has thrown my way. I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am officially kicking back the covers and looking at the light. I will rest in it as it shows me all that He has for me to do and to be.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Got One!
That's right, people... I finally got an iphone!
I was so excited last night, I could barely sleep. My plan was to get there at about 7am to meet up with a friend who was getting his first one, too. The store wasn't going to open until 8am and we thought this would be plenty of time. We were wrong...
I'm pretty sure it was the Holy Spirit that nudged me awake at 4:15am this morning... I laid in bed for quite a while and then finally gave in. I got up, brushed my teeth, threw on some clothes and headed to Starbuck's. They were open!! Got a HUGE coffee and headed over to the store. I arrived at about 6am to find that a line had formed and was already about 30 peeps long. PHEW! Got in line and called my friend. He had to work today and I didn't so I was happy to wait while he slept a little longer.
Long story short, we got our phones and even landed on ajc.com! Check it out!
I was so excited last night, I could barely sleep. My plan was to get there at about 7am to meet up with a friend who was getting his first one, too. The store wasn't going to open until 8am and we thought this would be plenty of time. We were wrong...
I'm pretty sure it was the Holy Spirit that nudged me awake at 4:15am this morning... I laid in bed for quite a while and then finally gave in. I got up, brushed my teeth, threw on some clothes and headed to Starbuck's. They were open!! Got a HUGE coffee and headed over to the store. I arrived at about 6am to find that a line had formed and was already about 30 peeps long. PHEW! Got in line and called my friend. He had to work today and I didn't so I was happy to wait while he slept a little longer.
Long story short, we got our phones and even landed on ajc.com! Check it out!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Dun, dun, dun...
So, who's getting one of these on friday morning?
I'll be in line WAY before 8am with a great big coffee and maybe a book... : )
I'll be in line WAY before 8am with a great big coffee and maybe a book... : )
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Stage one...
So, the "Tatts for Tots" party was a hit last night! Danny and Cindy had quite a few folks show up and both they and the tattoo artist did pretty well! I think they're actually going to make it on their mission trip in a couple of weeks. Thanks to everyone who showed up, I know they were blown away!
And now for the unveiling...
Yes, I know what you're thinking... "it's kind of boring with no color!" And, "Gee, your legs are almost blue, they're so white!"
Ok, all that aside, it's going to have lots of color when I go back this thursday to have the artist finish it. And hopefully all that color will deter from my natural lack of... : )
But take a look again... isn't it gonna be GORGEOUS??
And now for the unveiling...
Yes, I know what you're thinking... "it's kind of boring with no color!" And, "Gee, your legs are almost blue, they're so white!"
Ok, all that aside, it's going to have lots of color when I go back this thursday to have the artist finish it. And hopefully all that color will deter from my natural lack of... : )
But take a look again... isn't it gonna be GORGEOUS??
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Mr. Young
I met an amazing man on Tuesday night! His name is Paul Young and he is the author of "The Shack". Now, let's stop right here for a second and discuss this book a little bit.
If you haven't read this book... READ IT!!! Seriously, I can't say enough great things about it. It has changed my relationship with God so incredibly, that human words cannot fully describe.
There, now that being said, he came and spoke at the first summer addition of 722 at church. They are doing a really cool thing this summer where during the three times they will meet, they are interviewing authors who have written some pretty amazing books. And last night was the first installment with Mr. Young talking about his book.
I have to say that I have seen a lot of speakers in my lifetime and so many of them have been really solid spiritually, and even pretty darn cool! But this guy blew them all away!!! It would be pointless for me to try to convey all that he was in front of about 2,000 people last night, so instead I will just suggest that you go to the 722 website and listen for yourself. If it's not up already, it should be up later today.
I promise, it will be worth the listen and worth the read...
If you haven't read this book... READ IT!!! Seriously, I can't say enough great things about it. It has changed my relationship with God so incredibly, that human words cannot fully describe.
There, now that being said, he came and spoke at the first summer addition of 722 at church. They are doing a really cool thing this summer where during the three times they will meet, they are interviewing authors who have written some pretty amazing books. And last night was the first installment with Mr. Young talking about his book.
I have to say that I have seen a lot of speakers in my lifetime and so many of them have been really solid spiritually, and even pretty darn cool! But this guy blew them all away!!! It would be pointless for me to try to convey all that he was in front of about 2,000 people last night, so instead I will just suggest that you go to the 722 website and listen for yourself. If it's not up already, it should be up later today.
I promise, it will be worth the listen and worth the read...
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tattoo #3!
That's right! I'm getting another one...
Some dear friends of mine, Danny and Cindy Stephens, are having a really great event at their place this weekend. They are raising money for a mission's trip that they are taking this summer to East Asia with their oldest son, Noah. They will be working in orphanages while they are there with all sorts of kids, some of which are special needs. So, to help raise the last of their finances for the trip they are hosting a "Tatts for Tots" party. Basically, a friend of theirs who happens to be a tattoo artist is going to set up shop in their home and folks are going to stop by and get "inked" for charity! So cool, right??
I mean, I just couldn't say no to the kids...
So, stay tuned for pics of my newest addition later this weekend. On a side note, a friend of mine is coming along and getting his first tattoo!! Woo-Hoo!!
It's gonna be fun... ; )
Some dear friends of mine, Danny and Cindy Stephens, are having a really great event at their place this weekend. They are raising money for a mission's trip that they are taking this summer to East Asia with their oldest son, Noah. They will be working in orphanages while they are there with all sorts of kids, some of which are special needs. So, to help raise the last of their finances for the trip they are hosting a "Tatts for Tots" party. Basically, a friend of theirs who happens to be a tattoo artist is going to set up shop in their home and folks are going to stop by and get "inked" for charity! So cool, right??
I mean, I just couldn't say no to the kids...
So, stay tuned for pics of my newest addition later this weekend. On a side note, a friend of mine is coming along and getting his first tattoo!! Woo-Hoo!!
It's gonna be fun... ; )
Friday, June 20, 2008
Loss for words...
I don't know about you, but I rarely find myself at a loss for words. I ALWAYS have something to say.
I just got off the phone with a dear friend who is going thru a REALLY tough spot in life right now. We talked for a while and I let him vent. He is angry, confused, tired and scared for the future. The future of his ministry and the future of his family. I had so many thoughts going thru my head. I wanted to scream with him, cry with him, question with him, be bitter with him. I also wanted to point him to the Lord, to scripture, to prayer. But instead, I just cried a little with him and took it on my shoulders for a few minutes. I tried, anyway.
I can't take away his hurt, his pain. I can't answer his questions because I am asking most of the same ones myself. I wanted so badly to have "all the right answers", because I try so hard to always have the right answers. I don't like it when my friends hurt. And knowing that I can't really help is more than I can bare!
Dear friend,
Please know that my heart is broken for you. I feel helpless and incapable of taking any of this from you. It's almost more than I can bare, knowing that you are going thru this and I can't do anything about it. It feels so trite to say that I am praying for you, but I am. I have gone thru so many days in my lifetime where God seemed far away and circumstances of life seemed so big they could eat you up. And I know how truly difficult those days are. First hand, I know.
But I want you to know that even though it seems trite and cliche, I am praying for you. I'm praying for clarity and singleness of mind as you struggle through this. I'm praying that God will remind you of all the things that I didn't say on the phone. That He loves you and has a plan for you. That he knew you were going to struggle through this and He let it happen anyway. That our stupid choices in this life are not stronger than what He has purposed for us. We have to believe that, otherwise there isn't any real point to this life here on earth. Bad things happen and other people make decisions and choices that affect us, but God is so much bigger than all of those details. Lean into him because He is in control. He is in control. He is in control.
I love you so much, my dear friend!!
Rachel
I just got off the phone with a dear friend who is going thru a REALLY tough spot in life right now. We talked for a while and I let him vent. He is angry, confused, tired and scared for the future. The future of his ministry and the future of his family. I had so many thoughts going thru my head. I wanted to scream with him, cry with him, question with him, be bitter with him. I also wanted to point him to the Lord, to scripture, to prayer. But instead, I just cried a little with him and took it on my shoulders for a few minutes. I tried, anyway.
I can't take away his hurt, his pain. I can't answer his questions because I am asking most of the same ones myself. I wanted so badly to have "all the right answers", because I try so hard to always have the right answers. I don't like it when my friends hurt. And knowing that I can't really help is more than I can bare!
Dear friend,
Please know that my heart is broken for you. I feel helpless and incapable of taking any of this from you. It's almost more than I can bare, knowing that you are going thru this and I can't do anything about it. It feels so trite to say that I am praying for you, but I am. I have gone thru so many days in my lifetime where God seemed far away and circumstances of life seemed so big they could eat you up. And I know how truly difficult those days are. First hand, I know.
But I want you to know that even though it seems trite and cliche, I am praying for you. I'm praying for clarity and singleness of mind as you struggle through this. I'm praying that God will remind you of all the things that I didn't say on the phone. That He loves you and has a plan for you. That he knew you were going to struggle through this and He let it happen anyway. That our stupid choices in this life are not stronger than what He has purposed for us. We have to believe that, otherwise there isn't any real point to this life here on earth. Bad things happen and other people make decisions and choices that affect us, but God is so much bigger than all of those details. Lean into him because He is in control. He is in control. He is in control.
I love you so much, my dear friend!!
Rachel
Monday, June 16, 2008
Bone Tired...
Have you ever actually been "bone tired"? So exhausted that your bones actually ache with weariness?
That's how I feel tonight. Actually, I have felt that way for a while now. I can't seem to catch up on rest and get passed it, either. These passed six months have been a juggling act for me with my job and the rest of my life. I have been neglecting most of my friends for more time with work. And when I do have time to spend with friends, I really just don't seem to have it in me. I think a lot of them are taking it personally, but to any of you reading this, please don't! I'm neglecting everyone! I can't seem to find the balance. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to find it with the workload I have right now, either. You can't really balance two jobs with the rest of your life. It's difficult enough to balance one. Until we hire a new Music Director at my church, I am working for two. It's been about six months now, and I am getting closer and closer to the middle of the candle that I've been burning at both ends.
Anyway, this is one of those nights where I want to scream and cry and make someone notice and feel sorry for me! Tell me that it's all going to be better very soon and that I just need to hang in there! By the way Rachel, you're doing an amazing job! We're so proud of you for taking on this load! If it makes it any more bearable, the rest of us haven't even noticed a single hiccup since you've been in charge. Really! The transition has been so easy and that's really thanks to you. So, way to go, Rachel!
sigh... I needed that...
That's how I feel tonight. Actually, I have felt that way for a while now. I can't seem to catch up on rest and get passed it, either. These passed six months have been a juggling act for me with my job and the rest of my life. I have been neglecting most of my friends for more time with work. And when I do have time to spend with friends, I really just don't seem to have it in me. I think a lot of them are taking it personally, but to any of you reading this, please don't! I'm neglecting everyone! I can't seem to find the balance. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to find it with the workload I have right now, either. You can't really balance two jobs with the rest of your life. It's difficult enough to balance one. Until we hire a new Music Director at my church, I am working for two. It's been about six months now, and I am getting closer and closer to the middle of the candle that I've been burning at both ends.
Anyway, this is one of those nights where I want to scream and cry and make someone notice and feel sorry for me! Tell me that it's all going to be better very soon and that I just need to hang in there! By the way Rachel, you're doing an amazing job! We're so proud of you for taking on this load! If it makes it any more bearable, the rest of us haven't even noticed a single hiccup since you've been in charge. Really! The transition has been so easy and that's really thanks to you. So, way to go, Rachel!
sigh... I needed that...
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Homesick
So, my team from work is on a really great retreat this first half of the week. It's been really cool 'cause we've been talking about wellness. Spiritual, physical, mental and emotional wellness. We've dined with pastors from other churches (to get us out of the "Buckhead" mentality and to pick their brains about ministry, in general), we sat by a pool located on a rooftop overlooking downtown and talked about how to take better care of our bodies. How we need balance in our food, balance in our sleep and much more exercise (my personal favorite!). And this evening, we had a nice dinner with a bunch of our family members...
At least, some of us had dinner with our family members. Mine live too far away. I knew about the dinner ahead of time, so I wasn't too sad about the fact that they wouldn't be there with me. And I had a nice time visiting with all the others (most of them feel like family, anyway). But it got me thinking... about the ones I miss at times like these. So I thought I would share them with you all.
These are some of my nearest and dearest and I wish that all of them could have been here tonight!
Amy Nichols (my oldest and dearest friend!)
Mark Avery (my other oldest and dearest friend, and practically my personal trainer from 3000 miles away!)
My sweet Daddy making his famous BBQ sauce (he's quite the consummate chef!)
My amazing MOM! (she's the one on the left... although, the other two have known me almost as long and both have claimed me a time or two, as well)
And last but not least, my sweet little kitties, Buddy and Bailey. These two have only been with me for a little less than a year, but they have completely stolen my heart (and most of my bed, as well)
So, these are the ones I want around me most of the time. Not all of them are represented here, but the ones that aren't... You know who you are! I love you all so very much and I thank God every time I think about you!!!
Hugs and Kisses,
Rachel
At least, some of us had dinner with our family members. Mine live too far away. I knew about the dinner ahead of time, so I wasn't too sad about the fact that they wouldn't be there with me. And I had a nice time visiting with all the others (most of them feel like family, anyway). But it got me thinking... about the ones I miss at times like these. So I thought I would share them with you all.
These are some of my nearest and dearest and I wish that all of them could have been here tonight!
Amy Nichols (my oldest and dearest friend!)
Mark Avery (my other oldest and dearest friend, and practically my personal trainer from 3000 miles away!)
My sweet Daddy making his famous BBQ sauce (he's quite the consummate chef!)
My amazing MOM! (she's the one on the left... although, the other two have known me almost as long and both have claimed me a time or two, as well)
And last but not least, my sweet little kitties, Buddy and Bailey. These two have only been with me for a little less than a year, but they have completely stolen my heart (and most of my bed, as well)
So, these are the ones I want around me most of the time. Not all of them are represented here, but the ones that aren't... You know who you are! I love you all so very much and I thank God every time I think about you!!!
Hugs and Kisses,
Rachel
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